What do you do when your heart is not at peace with your mind?
I mean I am literally waiting for a reply from the other side of the screen, from a stranger or a friend, just to calm this tornado which is building up inside me.
If I think things through then I would conclude that these disastrous feeling are not the outcome of a sudden outrage or a sudden punch that hit me hard in my stomach waking me up. These emotions have been building up and a lot of things rather events have been contributing in feeding my restless mind. I mean no matter how or what I read, no matter who I talk to, no matter what I watch, the hunger of my mind is just increasing by the hour.
I am sure all of you are well aware of the catastrophes that have surrounded us. I mean if you haven’t then perhaps you are the people who lay on the line of ‘ ignorance is blissful’ , at least you get to sleep in your warm beds not having to worry about the blood that is being spilled on the distant regions of this world. Not having to worry about the pillows soaked with tears or towels used to wipe blood. You are free from the nightmares of hearing a child scream, whose shrill cry turns into oblivion under the falling of the roof which was supposed to protect her. You are at peace because you do not know the compromising situations a female has to face because she owns a vagina and a man with that extra extension of his flesh feels that he is entitled to punish her for the mistakes she never committed. But because she is a woman she has to be punished in some way or the other so the man might as well get some hideous sort of pleasure out of it.
Are the blinds on your windows so thick that you can’t hear the sirens outside?
Okay so I watched this movie long- long back. And it portrayed how the Jews were burned alive in gas chambers. How in the name of concentration camps they were burned like wood. Well there used to be these sirens whose sound was generated by the power created from those burning bodies. Of lately I have been hearing these sirens, the sound coming from somewhere at the back of my hostel. I know that these sirens mean something else but then my mind can’t help but co relate the two. And it’s because people decided not to pull the blinds off their windows the world witnessed a holocaust. Perhaps the world is not yet pleased and wants more.
It could be the event of Palestine or perhaps the Orlando gay club event? It could have been Syria or was the new coined term “Islamophobia” is the thing that triggered these emotions? It could have been the fact that the girls in my institution, that claims to be an English medium, can very well write English but cannot converse in the same and feel ashamed when they must. I mean who am I to say anything right?
I get to choose what I do in my life. I choose what I study, who are my friends, I can talk fluently in English, I have a loving family, people always surround me, I am cosy in my house safe under its roof and I am never alone. Who am I to say anything on the matters that do not concern me! How can I be a muslim woman and yet stand for and with what I feel is morally right? This is absurd! Right? They will probably use the term “modern Muslim” but perhaps they forget that the wife of Prophet (S.A.W) was the most modern lady of her times. She was an independent business woman and rejected many a marriage proposals till she finally found the one.
It pains me when I feel my hands are cut and I can’t do a thing. Then I open my laptop and start writing. I write because it helps. I write because I don’t know what else to do. I see pain, trouble; hate oh so much HATE around me that I want to scream and pull everyone and ask them to wake up! Wake up before it’s too late. Wake up before there is no scope for you to witness a sunrise that causes your awakening. Wake up and realize that the blood in your veins is the blood that is being spilled. I know it’s a lot of politics and some might say it’s for a greater cause and we humans are just tiny nimsickle particles who should not hinder in such huge matters.
I could be called a creep by many when I say I smell blood when I step a foot outside. I don’t like the world I am living in. I don’t accept to be helpless and believe that it’s God’s will because trust me no God will cause destruction of its own creation. Destruction to such a level that it cannot be mended! It’s the sick creation of the creator that is willing to cause a physical, psychological and environmental damage that will take years to recover.
I am waking up but I don’t like the truth that my eyes are witnessing.
~ SNOWY RAHI