Wake Up!

What do you do when your heart is not at peace with your mind?

I mean I am literally waiting for a reply from the other side of the screen, from a stranger or a friend, just to calm this tornado which is building up inside me.

If I think things through then I would conclude that these disastrous feeling are not the outcome of a sudden outrage or a sudden punch that hit me hard in my stomach waking me up. These emotions have been building up and a lot of things rather events have been contributing in feeding my restless mind. I mean no matter how or what I read, no matter who I talk to, no matter what I watch, the hunger of my mind is just increasing by the hour.

I am sure all of you are well aware of the catastrophes that have surrounded us. I mean if you haven’t then perhaps you are the people who lay on the line of ‘ ignorance is blissful’ , at least you get to sleep in your warm beds not having to worry about the blood that is being spilled on the distant regions of this world. Not having to worry about the pillows soaked with tears or towels used to wipe blood. You are free from the nightmares of hearing a child scream, whose shrill cry turns into oblivion under the falling of the roof which was supposed to protect her. You are at peace because you do not know the compromising situations a female has to face because she owns a vagina and a man with that extra extension of his flesh feels that he is entitled to punish her for the mistakes she never committed. But because she is a woman she has to be punished in some way or the other so the man might as well get some hideous sort of pleasure out of it.

Are the blinds on your windows so thick that you can’t hear the sirens outside?

Okay so I watched this movie long- long back. And it portrayed how the Jews were burned alive in gas chambers. How in the name of concentration camps they were burned like wood. Well there used to be these sirens whose sound was generated by the power created from those burning bodies. Of lately I have been hearing these sirens, the sound coming from somewhere at the back of my hostel. I know that these sirens mean something else but then my mind can’t help but co relate the two. And it’s because people decided not to pull the blinds off their windows the world witnessed a holocaust. Perhaps the world is not yet pleased and wants more.

It could be the event of Palestine or perhaps the Orlando gay club event? It could have been Syria or was the new coined term “Islamophobia” is the thing that triggered these emotions? It could have been the fact that the girls in my institution, that claims to be an English medium, can very well write English but cannot converse in the same and feel ashamed when they must.  I mean who am I to say anything right?

I get to choose what I do in my life. I choose what I study, who are my friends, I can talk fluently in English, I have a loving family, people always surround me, I am cosy in my house safe under its roof and I am never alone. Who am I to say anything on the matters that do not concern me! How can I be a muslim woman and yet stand for and with what I feel is morally right? This is absurd! Right? They will probably use the term “modern Muslim” but perhaps they forget that the wife of Prophet (S.A.W) was the most modern lady of her times. She was an independent business woman and rejected many a marriage proposals till she finally found the one.

It pains me when I feel my hands are cut and I can’t do a thing. Then I open my laptop and start writing. I write because it helps. I write because I don’t know what else to do. I see pain, trouble; hate oh so much HATE around me that I want to scream and pull everyone and ask them to wake up! Wake up before it’s too late. Wake up before there is no scope for you to witness a sunrise that causes your awakening. Wake up and realize that the blood in your veins is the blood that is being spilled. I know it’s a lot of politics and some might say it’s for a greater cause and we humans are just tiny nimsickle particles who should not hinder in such huge matters.  

I could be called a creep by many when I say I smell blood when I step a foot outside. I don’t like the world I am living in. I don’t accept to be helpless and believe that it’s God’s will because trust me no God will cause destruction of its own creation. Destruction to such a level that it cannot be mended! It’s the sick creation of the creator that is willing to cause a physical, psychological and environmental damage that will take years to recover.

 I am waking up but I don’t like the truth that my eyes are witnessing.

~ SNOWY RAHI

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Conflicting Love.

Things get really complicated if you read. I mean you start comparing and wanting those characters to come to life! For me , being a  bibliophile, I would want an ” AGUSTUS WATERS” to appear magically out of the blues and say ” It will be a pleasure getting my heart broken by you” . Or if you don’t read but you do follow up soap operas like “FRIENDS” then all you wish for is YOUR Chandler Bing to appear in the coffee house that you often visit, waiting to become friends then best friends and finally lovers. Unfortunately life is not a fairytale and prince charming don’t appear wearing an Armour to protect you from this savage world.

Living in the era where love is often replaced by lust and warm kisses are turning into a one time hook up culture, it is deadly to be an old school romantic.

 

Is it too much to seek a friend in a lover ?

To want to go crazy in their presence and not to be judged once.

To wear pajamas, sweatshirts or a beautiful evening gown and each time he has an honest love filled remark for you. Be it “you look awful” ( but full of giggles, followed by tight hugs and cheek kisses. Making you know that you are still adored.)  Or ” Damn , seeing you in that just takes my breath away ” ( with a lot more of love in his voice than lust, with a notation of him being proud of the human that you are  individually before you are his or anybody else’s) 

To stand by your love against all foolish convictions that the society has to put up. ” That girl has too many boys hovering around her – must be a slut”, ” that boy smokes, what values was he brought up with” or even better ” She wears short cloths, she must have no character what so ever”. To stand by your love against them. To accept your love the way it is and not wanting to be influenced by how would society want it to be. 

To be her friend more than anything.For She would always turn to a friend when her heart is at a loss of words or her soul is shattered on the ground. She always turns to her friends when she wants to implement a stupid idea or have the most random est of 2am unplanned coffee breaks. Be there, listen like a friend. Be there, support her through it all. BE THERE for if she has to be someone else in front of you just to please you, she will lose herself and you will lose the one love you fell for. Be there because she will be there as well.

To shout and scream and be loud will push her away. Talk, but the way you would want her to talk to you as well. Would your petty little male ego bear it if she did the same? Trust me, she has the shrillest and loudest of voice. Don’t let that Wind turn into a tornado.

Love her the way she loves you.Being romantic is never old school. Be with her for who she is and not what you can turn her into. Fall in love with her mind before exploring her body. If you still think you can respect the lady in front of you after knowing all of her, only then my friend move ahead because no love is satisfactory if it has the tag of TERMS AND CONDITIONS applied to it.

~ SNOWY RAHI

 

 

Checklist of a Restless Soul.

  • When in the midst of a crowded street even the loudest of sounds turn into oblivion due to the conflicting voices of your mind and heart , know that your soul is restless.
  • When even after pouring your heart out into another vessel. Hoping that the liquid of restlessness will flow out from this vessel of a body into the other and give you some relief. Sadly it is a lost case.
  • When the pressure of the known and the unknown gets too much to bear and you know not what will quench the thirst of your soul. You lie awake at 3 am in your warm bed that sends the coldest of shivers down your spine. 
  • When the tears escape your eyes at the most unexpected moments and wiping away just increases the intensity of their cascade. 
  • When the most unknown yet genuine of touch makes you want to burst like a bubble and engulf in their warm and welcoming aura, leaving behind your dark, restless and unwelcoming one.
  • When nothing seems wrong if it will sooth your crushed soul and yet every wrong thing pricks you worse than before. That never ending conflict between pleasure and morality. 
  • When all you want to do is cut out the people who have failed you, without them knowing that they have.
  • When self harm looks as a bright prospective and facades seem to be coming to rescue.
  • When the world is busy with playing its part in your existence and you are trying to shut it out with all your might.
  • When all is said and done and yet your soul craves to get its last flight.

 

~ SNOWY RAHI